“You’re selfish!” shouted that man who had always been absent from my life, his words cutting through the air. Perhaps he expected me to prioritize other things over my own well-being. That mysterious man wasn’t the only one to say those words, but perhaps his were the ones that hurt the most. I always felt confused because the people calling me selfish were the ones expecting me to do things I didn’t want to, all for their convenience. So, in reality, who was the selfish one?
We live in a society where the word “selfishness” carries such an emotional weight that, once spoken, it can instantly turn a person into a villain. It’s curious how the label “selfish” is often applied indiscriminately, especially toward those who choose to prioritize their well-being. But what happens when this perceived selfishness is actually an act of self-love? And what about those who quietly dedicate their actions to others, yet are the most misunderstood?
It’s easy to be called selfish when you decide not to engage in something that compromises your values, time, or energy. Without even knowing you, the world often judges your choices from the surface, ignoring the acts of generosity you perform in private. That financial help you offered without any fanfare, that word of encouragement you gave someone in need, or that sleepless night spent comforting a friend—none of it is on display. But does that make it any less valuable?
The world has twisted the word “selfishness,” stripping it of its complexity. In reality, selfishness isn’t always negative. In economics, for example, self-interest drives innovation, generates wealth, and creates jobs. Adam Smith, the father of modern economics, argued that the pursuit of personal benefit can, paradoxically, benefit society as a whole. So, why do we stigmatize the act of prioritizing oneself when it can be a force for progress?
There’s something I like to call the paradox of altruism. It’s a theory of mine: the least selfish people are often seen as selfish because their actions, being invisible or misunderstood, defy social expectations. If you set boundaries to protect your mental health, you’re labeled as “cold.” If you prioritize your dreams over others’ demands, you’re seen as “inconsiderate.” This paradox lies in the fact that, to be truly generous to others, you first need to be generous to yourself.
Which leads me to my second theory: we are all selfish. We have all been perceived as selfish at some point in our lives, and we have all acted selfishly. It’s part of our human nature. The important thing isn’t avoiding selfishness but recognizing how we use it. There’s a type of selfishness that destroys and another that builds: the first takes without giving; the second ensures you have enough to share with others.
I’ve always thought there’s a difference between loving yourself and being in love with yourself. When you’re in love with yourself, you fail to see your flaws, you justify yourself too much, and you don’t improve. But when you love yourself, you’re no longer blind—you strive to improve and become your best self.
-Rene De Paz
Prioritizing, loving, and valuing yourself is not a flaw; it’s a necessity. When you love yourself, you build a stronger version of yourself, capable of giving your best to those around you. If you can’t give yourself that love, how will you offer it to others?
Well, we’ve talked a lot about self-love and prioritization, but how does it look from the outside? It seems society has become hypocritical. We hear messages like “Chase your dreams,” but when you try, society responds with laughter and hurtful comments. The same happens when they tell you, “Prioritize yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself,” but when you start setting the healthy boundaries you truly need, those same people call you selfish for not thinking of them first.
We spend our lives prioritizing others. How many times will you do things you don’t want to just to please others? Do you really want to see a selfish person? Try saying “no” to people who expect you to always say “yes.”
Take a moment to think about how you treat your loved ones. It could be your children or even a pet. You likely ensure they’re well-fed, clean, cared for, loved, and protected from harm. You accept them as they are and love them unconditionally.
Now think about how you treat yourself. Do you eat well? Do you protect yourself from people who harm you? Do you speak kindly to yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you love yourself?
If being selfish means loving, respecting, valuing, and prioritizing yourself above all that threatens your happiness, then so be it—let us all be selfish.
-Rene De Paz
Many times, we must reflect and love ourselves to improve. If we see signs that we’ve acted selfishly, we must take responsibility. But never call others selfish. You can think it, but never say it out loud. We cannot, and do not, have that right because before judging someone, we must consider if we are the ones being selfish.
If someone calls you selfish and you know you’re not, don’t waste time defending yourself. Smile. It’s a sign you’re on the right path. The virtue of the false egoist lies in understanding that you don’t need to justify your decisions to those who haven’t walked in your shoes. Being labeled selfish doesn’t define your character; your actions do. Live with intention, love sincerely, and remember that prioritizing yourself is also an act of generosity because a fulfilled heart has more to give.
Perhaps true selfishness isn’t the act of prioritizing oneself but judging others for doing so.
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